I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
