you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
