Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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