I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
