Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
