i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i love accidental penises.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
