I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
