You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
