I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
