there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
