You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
