so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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