Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
