Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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