So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
