cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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