as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
