I want to stick my p in your. b.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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