I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
