feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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