And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
