Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
