I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize