I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
