you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
