My hand turned me down
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
