I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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