i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
