I faked an abortion last night.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
