My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
