I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
