i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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