She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
