he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
