i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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