Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize