that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
