She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize