You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
