am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
