I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I wear drunk well.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
