I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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