I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
