your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
