Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
