Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
