she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I believe in your delicious
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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