you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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