do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
