what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
