Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Please don't give away my fajitas
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