Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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