you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize