I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
