I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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