can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
