Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Come see our sink grown plant.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
