Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
