I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
