I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
