You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize