do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
