Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
