I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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