i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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