I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
