Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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