if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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