he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
