i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Green mimosas i think yes
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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