put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
