you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
